Tuna Thursday: Oreo’s debut novel, “CATastrophe!”

Today’s TUNA THURSDAY is a doozy. This is the final piece of evidence that proves I am a little TOO much of a Crazy Cat Lady. I present to you… my cat Oreo’s Twitter novel.

Yes. I said it. A Twitter novel. Written by my cat.

Before you lock me up, let me explain. It was August 2009. I was young and naive and had just joined TWITTER because everyone said I had to do Twitter. (I’m @paulayoo). I decided my cat OREO had to join TWITTER, too. So he is here: @oreothecatyoo

I had no idea what to tweet for Oreo. So for the first several weeks, Oreo composed his first Twitter novel. He posted one tweet per day for his novel. Each chapter consisted of five daily tweets. It was called “CATastrophe!”

I was very impressed with my cat’s Twitter novel. He did not outline it or take notes. He just wrote off the top of his head, a brand new improvised sentence each day.

And okay, so I had to help him. But I swear, my cat wrote this whole novel. (You can follow Oreo here: http://twitter.com/oreothecatyoo)

(Keep reading after the jump for Oreo’s debut novel “CATastrophe!”)

Below is the full text of @oreothecatyoo’s debut TWITTER novel, “CATastrophe!” Typed by @paulayoo in August 2009. What do you think – should my cat submit this to my agent? 🙂

“CATastrophe! A Twitter Novel

Written by Oreo the Cat (@oreothecatyoo)

Typed by CatMommy (@paulayoo)

Conceived and written: August 2009

CHAPTER ONE:

She is finally asleep. I sneak down the dark hall.

I notice the front door is open. I hear footsteps. Who can it be? Are they stealing my tuna?

I sneak towards my food bowl. I see a dark shadow and hiss. I hear footsteps. Someone’s running away!

I scurry to the kitchen. Someone’s overturned my food bowl! Tuna is scattered across the floor.

I notice the backdoor is open. I am about to investigate but … sniff sniff… mmm, tuna on floor!

After nibbling the tuna off the floor, I notice something’s wrong. Where’s my owner’s violin?

I peer outside the living room window. A black car roars by. My owner’s violin is in the backseat!

I meow loudly but the car disappears. I gallop back to my owner to wake her up. But she’s gone too!

Suddenly, footsteps! My owner picks me up. I meow loudly, warning her about her violin. But she ignores me.

CHAPTER TWO:

I wriggle out of her arms. She follows me to the living room. “My violin” she cries. I see a footprint nearby. A clue?

The footprints go out the back door. My owner opens it to investigate. I race out! “Oreo!” she cries. “Come back!”

I’ve never been outside the house before. I’m scared. But I have to find my owner’s violin! Is that a squirrel?

I chase the squirrel. He scurries across the street and points his tail at broken glass on the ground! Another clue!

The sun glints off the shards. I spot a nearby torn bit of paper. “22 Sycamore Lane.” I know that street! I leave…

CHAPTER THREE:

I arrive at Sycamore Lane. There’s the black car with my owner’s violin! I duck behind a tree. The car door opens…

A tall man clutches my owner’s violin case and heads for a house. I follow. He knocks on the front door. It opens…

A woman and her small child appear at the door. They smile at the man with my owner’s violin. What’s going on?!

Before the door shuts, I race across the street and sneak inside. They don’t see me as I follow them down the hall.

They enter a violin workshop. The man hands my owner’s violin to the little girl who plays it beautifully. What’s up?

CHAPTER FOUR:

The little girl finishes playing the violin and hugs the man. “Thank you, Daddy!” I feel sad. She has no idea!

The family leaves. I sneak into the workshop. I tug at the violin case but it’s too heavy! Suddenly, I hear a crash!

I whirl around. The little girl has returned. She smiles. “Kitty!” She grabs me. I wriggle but can’t escape!

The little girl hugs me tightly. “Now you’re my kitty!” she says. “But you have my owner’s violin!” I protest.

The little girl feeds me a treat. I purr & feel sleepy. Wait, is this a trap? She still has my owner’s violin!

CHAPTER FIVE:

I wriggle out of the girl’s arms. I head for the stolen violin. The man returns. “You look familiar,” he says to me.

“Can we adopt him, Daddy?” the girl asks. He frowns. “This cat’s trouble,” he says. “He might scratch your violin.”

I paw at my owner’s violin case, trying to drag it away. The man laughs. “What are u doing w/our violin?” OUR? I hiss.

Before I can drag my owner’s violin away, the little girl grabs and squeezes me. “Let’s play!” She takes me outside…

We r outside. I immediately dart away. I’ll return 2nite to get my owner’s violin. But the girl cries. I feel bad!

CHAPTER SIX:

I sneak back after midnight. I drag my owner’s violin to the door when I hear footsteps. It’s the little girl!

“What are you doing with my violin?” she asks. I try to meow that it’s my owner’s violin. She opens the case & gasps.

The girl pulls out a piece of paper. It’s a photo of me. “It’s you!” she says. “Does this mean the violin’s yours?”

I nod. She gasps. “My daddy’s not a thief!” I meow, trying to make her feel better. “Let’s go find him.” I follow her.

The girl finds her dad. “Kitty says you stole his owner’s violin!” “I knew u looked familiar!” he growls. I run away!

CHAPTER SEVEN:

I stop running. I realize I have to get my owner’s violin back, even if it means making the little girl sad.

But first, I decide to trot back to my owner’s house. Maybe I can convince her to follow me to where her violin is!

I am home. My owner sobs. I jump on her lap. She pets me. I jump off & head 4 the door. “What is it, Oreo?” she asks.

I scratch at the door. My owner opens it & follows me to the little girl’s house. Puzzled, my owner knocks on the door.

The little girl opens the door, clutching the violin. My owner gasps. “That’s my violin!” The girl starts crying.

CHAPTER EIGHT:

We find the girl’s daddy. “Why did you steal my violin?” my owner asks.
“I’m sorry,” he says sadly. “I had to steal it.”?

“Your violin?” the little girl asks. “But Daddy gave it 4 my birthday!”
“Let’s find your daddy,” my owner says sadly.

My owner hugs the girl. “Don’t cry. I’m not mad @ u! I just want my violin back.” I hear footsteps & meow!

My owner frowns. “I know times are tough but it’s no excuse for stealing.” “I know,” the man says. “But I can explain.”

CHAPTER NINE:

“The factory closed down, so we are poor,” the man tells my owner. “My daughter’s birthday was coming up…”

“I met a violinmaker who said he could sell me a violin,” the father continues. “But he made us drive to your house.”

“He insisted you had sold your violin to us,” the man says. “I had no idea he had lied to us.” His daughter comes over.

“Thank u for my birthday violin,” the little girl says. “Can I play for you all?” She holds up my owner’s violin & plays.

The little girl plays Twinkle Little Star on my owner’s violin. She sounds beautiful. My owner cries. I have an idea!

#####

And thus ends Oreo’s Twitter novel. I have no idea what happens next. Oreo suffered massive kitty writer’s block and has refused to return to his magnum opus. What do you say, are you interested enough in having my cat re-visit this unfinished work of art? I’m curious! Let us know in the comments!

And if you are on Twitter, please follow us!

@paulayoo

@oreothecatyoo

Stay tuned for FOODIE FRIDAY. Until the next blog, Happy Writing! WRITE LIKE YOU MEAN IT! 🙂